When I first began thinking about my birthday, it surprised me that I did not think about my usual frenetic party and what gifts I might otherwise exhort from my father (my mother always gets me amazing gifts, my father could definitely use some direction most years). I began contemplating instead what I’ve accomplished in these first two decades of my life. This may sound overly dramatic, but take a moment and think back: what had you accomplished by the time you turned 20 (or if you’re younger, what have you accomplished thus far in your life?)?
This question sent me into a slight depressive period when I was in full belief that I was the least accomplished human being ever to walk the earth. There are children throughout the world that started working at an early age. My first real, paying 9-to-5 job was this summer. Some people have gotten their degrees and done impressive research by their twentieth year. I have struggled to get halfway through my degrees up to this point. There are twenty-year-olds fighting for civil rights in third world countries and protesting sweatshop labor and voicing their opinion on the Rwandan massacre in the UN and running for local and state elected offices. I can barely form a coherent thought and when trying to remain steadfast in my beliefs am sometimes embarrassingly swayed by overwhelming adverse opinion (like when I go to Fairfield county I do not admit I’m a Democrat, it would inspire lynch mobs in some areas). Here I am sitting here in my parents house in my childhood bedroom, driving the car given to me by my father and going to school which is subsidized in large part by the generosity of my parents (although I do admit I pay most of my own way). When thinking of these last twenty years, all I could ask myself was “What could I possibly have accomplished?”.
Well I’ll tell you: I learned to stand of my own power, walk by my own legs, talk, chew solid food with my mouth closed, appreciate my mother’s cooking, clean my room, love my family and friends, verbalize my side of an argument, type the words that my mind weaves together, read a book, walk the dog, ride a bike, drive a car, take a train, a plane, a bus on my very own. I’ve learned to add, subtract, multiply, divide, integrate, differentiate, speak Spanish and a bit of Hawaiian. I’ve taken Calculus, Engineering, English, Political Science, Chemistry, Biology, Physics. I can draw the structure of graphite or silicon carbide. I can buy a present, I can wrap that present. I’ve learned to troubleshoot my own problems, be they with my computer or my car. I’ve learned to pick a matching outfit and how to best shop for clothes. I’ve read many books, although not even a fraction of the amount I will read in my lifetime hopefully. I’ve taken photographs that I’m proud of and some that I hate. I’ve been to classical concerts, rock concerts, Broadway shows, jazz shows, dance recitals, weddings, funerals, baptisms, birthday parties, graduations, goodbye parties. I’ve driven across the United States twice, flown to Hawaii four times, lived on both coasts, gone to three different colleges, tried out numerous different majors, realized what I wanted to be when I grow up, made a plan for my life. I learned how to play the clarinet and realized that it wasn’t my thing. I sang in a choir and realized I like listening more than actually making the music. I made high school plays. I went from Kindergarten to twelve grade and beyond. I moved out of my parents house (at least temporarily). I have learned how to be honest with myself. I’ve gone from my original 19 inches to 65 inches. I’ve mourned the death of family members, friends and close acquaintances. I held my breath through 9/11 and watched the news about Bosnia every night when I was in 5th grade. I have loved great movies, inspiring songs, beautiful poems. I loved a man, I lost that man. I have existed by myself long enough to be confident I will never be in someone’s shadow. I’ve learned from my mother that which I want to be. I’ve seen how blood isn’t all there is to family from my Nana, how overcoming obstacles is only the first step in a rocky path from my Gramma, how following your convictions can be the most helpful and rewarding move for all from my father, following the well-beaten path isn’t the only way from my stepfather, how to be a good friend from all the men, women, girls and boys I’ve known over the years. I know how to gracefully let a friendship instead of grasping so tight that it ends in bitter words and unkind thoughts. I’ve started to learn about compromise (one of those lifelong things…) and be diplomatic. I can break unhappy news gently and give valuable input to a conversation when necessary. I’ve made people laugh, cry, get angry, apologize, yell, jump for joy, hurry, slow down,think, discuss the possibilities, go in a new direction. I’ve helped with homework, projects, cleaning, cooking, creating, praising. I’ve tried to be the best person I could be. I’ve made more friends than I could wish for, been loved more by my family than anyone could quantify and loved others more than my body could contain.
Hopefully, that’s just the start of my life and I will be able to accomplish even more in the next two decades and the two after that. So I guess what I have to say is no one can really say they’ve accomplished nothing in their life. Even at an hour old you’ve accomplished something by being in the world.
I apologize for the mush, but considering I will be 20 years old in less than three hours, I feel I have the right.
My wish for you on my birthday is that your day go well and you realize how much you have accomplished in your life.
Thank you for reading my ramble 
From a soon-to-be-no-longer-teenager,
*Amber N
brown paper packages tied up with string! (ok, I 
